To Hell With Redemption, I Need You
by HolyJonas590
Summary: Joe & I were so in love. But in God's world, being in love w/ your brother is very much frowned upon. That's why I'm here. To redeem myself from all the dirty deeds I committed with my brother/ex-lover. JOVIN! JONASCEST!
1. Because I Love You

Hey everyone!! So I was sitting in confirmation class (how bad is it that I'm thinking up this stuff at CHURCH!! I'm soo going to hell D jk ) when I got this idea. It seemed kinda fun, and it was something I do a lot with in the story line and such. The stuff about God being evil or w/e isn't my personal view on it, that's just how it works int he story. Okay? So here it is!! **R&R please!!**

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**To Hell With Redemption, I Need You**

I'm a bad person. No, actually, I'm a horrible person. A horrible, lying, incestuous, sinner. Joe and I were so in love. I was happy. But in God's world and in society, being in love with your brother is very much frowned upon. And that's exactly why I'm here. To make God happy with me again, to redeem myself from all the dirty deeds I committed with my brother/ex-lover.

You see, Joe and I fell in love when he was 18, I was 20. We were inseparable. We were both totally smitten. Head over heels. He was the one, I knew it. He'd given his whole self to me. Mind, soul, and finally, his body. It was a few days after he'd shared with me the latter, when things started going horribly wrong. Disney dropped us, Nick found out about us and then ran away without a word, and then, Mom and Dad were killed in a car accident. Worst of all, it was all mine and Joe's fault. God was punishing us for all the wrong we'd done. Bisexuality. Adultery. Incest.

**_Flashback:_**_ Kevin stood by the front door, ready to leave when he heard his love's voice. "Kev, where are you going?"_

_"Joe, this needs to stop. Now. We can't be together any longer."_

_"What do you mean this has to stop? Kev, we need each other more than ever before! You're all I have!!"_

_"Don't you see the only reason we just had to bury our parents was because of us?! The reason Frankie has to live with Uncle Josh! Why we got dropped! It's all our fault!"_

_"That's not true Kevin and you know it! You're just upset right now. We've been through a lot lately, but you had no control over ANY of it! And tell me, why would God give us these feeling, Kev, if he was just gonna punish us for them?"_

_"I don't know Jay, I really don't know._ _But we have to break-up before something worse happens. To Frankie. To our friends. Worst of all, to you."_

_"Kevy, please don't go. I need you! I love you!!"_

_"I love you too, Joe. That's why I have to go. You have access to all our money, you're set for life. Grow up, get married, have kids, have a great life." Kevin grabbed Joe, and gave him what felt to Joe like a kiss of death. And with that he was gone."_

_**End flashback.**_

So here I am. Now 25, a pastor at out old church in Wycoff. I had no interest in being a pastor. AT ALL. I remember growing up, and Dad would be up all night writing sermons. Or he'd be at his office at church, helping people who couldn't keep their shit together. Being a pastor was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Yet, here I am, doing the only thing I could think of to not only earn God's forgiveness, but to try and keep anything bad from happening to Joe. Because if anything bad happened to him I wouldn't be able to live myself. I still loved him with every bone in my body, but the fact that loving him could hurt him scared the shit out of me. And growing up I thought the big guy upstairs was a good guy? Right. Anyone who punishes people for loving each other is just messed up.


	2. Blast From the Past

**A/N: Okay, so I'm not really getting the reviews I'd been hoping for on my stories lately. I've been updating a bit this weekend compared to my past updating habits, so I'd really appreciate your feedback. Thank you!!**

**Special thanks to those who did review. You know who you are.**

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It was 6 years after my flight from Joe, back to Jersey, when I got a phone call. Just a young woman looking for a church home for her and her newlywed husband, and they wanted to meet with me. As the pastor, this was something I did on a regular basis, so I didn't think much of it. The next day, the young woman arrived at my office around 1PM, a fairly young looking man following behind her, very involved in his phone.

"Hello, I'm Candice, and this is my husband..," turning around towards the man and rolling her eyes, showing her disapproval of his behavior. "We just moved here and we --"

I stopped listening after...actually, I wasn't listening at all. I knew that hair, that scent, that detached, snoody, attitude.

_Joe._

It was like my whole past was coming after me. Everything Joe and I ever felt together. The love. The passion. The companionship. It was over-wheliming. I couldn't take it.

"Could you give me a minute," I excused myself and got out of there as fast as I could, hoping that Joe was too wrapped up in his phone to have seen me. I ran to a tree on the church property, plopped on the ground, and cried. And cried, and cried, and cried until I heard a voice from my past that I hadn't heard for over 5 years, yelling across the lawn.

"Reverend, my wife and I have a lot to do today, so if you could..I don't know, hurry up..."

I didn't know what to do? Should I look up at him and give away my identity, or just sit there and hope they go away. I slowly and cautiously lifted my head out of my knees and looked right into those beautiful deep brown eyes.

"Holy hell balls." Joe spoke softly, stared for a second, and then ran out of site, not quite out of mind.

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I didn't hear from Joe or Candice after that for about a month. I was relieved, but more than anything I was crushed. Yes, I did tell Joe to get married, have kids, etc, but I still loved him more than life itself. We just couldn't be together. It was too risky. I couldn't put Joe's life in danger because of our love. Okay, so I might've been kinda paranoid about the whole thing, but seriously, what are the chances of us losing everything we loved all at once. Those numbers are pretty small. Only God could do that, and He obviously wasn't happy with us.

It was a normal Sunday after church. I was cleaning up that altar and such when a familiar voice took me off guard.

"Good sermon." I froze. _What do I turn and talk to him? Ignore him? Run away?_ Yeah, that last one sounds good to me.

I hesitantly turned around. The black hair and beautiful brown eyes just confirmed what I already knew. "Umm, hi Joe."

"Kev, you're a pastor..?" _Thank you Captain Obvious.._ "You always said you hated Dad's job."

"I did. Still do.."

"So why in the world are you one then?"

"You'll laugh.." It was true. I knew it. He'd say I was being ridiculous, unreasonable, outrageous, blah blah blah.

"No I won't, I promise." _Liar._

"I'm still, uhh, onto my theory..," I tried hinting at it, so this wouldn't get more awkward than it already was.

"What theor--Kevin, you've **got** to be kidding me."

"Well, nothing bad has happened since I left has it?"

'Well..not really. Nick came back though! You should see him. He's grown so much. I have a pic--" I cut him off.

"Don't try and change the subject, Jay."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?? Do you have ANY IDEA how HARD this is for me?? To face the man I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with for the first time in 6 YEARS!!"

"If it's half as ard for you as it is for me, then yes. Yes, I do."

"Kevin, nothing has been the same since you left. I need you Kev. I love--"

I stopped him before he could finish. We both knew he'd regret saying that as soon as it escaped his lips, so I saved us both the pain it'd only end up causing. "Just don't say it, Joe. It's not right. You're MARRIED."

"Don't remind me."

"That's not right Joseph. She seemed nothing but kind and sweet You can't just say that you don't want her anymore because of..me.."

"You're right..God..What am I saying?? I love her.."

"Yeah, that's what I thought.." I whispered into the uncomfortable silence that was lingering between us. "You should go. Joe. I've got work to do."

"Can I see you again?" Joe asked. I pulled out my card and gae it to Joe.

"Thanks," Joe said and walked away. I knew he could feel my eyes following him, and that led me to having the overwhelming feeling to something I'd been missing for the last few years. But before I could say or do anything, Joe ran back to me, and kissed me passionately before running away, yet again.

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**A/N: yeah i know im like horrible at updating asap. this week is the last week of school though so you can expect a lot more updates and new stories after school is out. oh yeah. one more thing..is anyone interested in writing a jointfic with me? its something ive kinda wanted to do for a while but never really did. interested? PM me!**

**R&R PLEASE!!**

**its down there somewhere ****D**

**VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**


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